i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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