I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
