Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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