Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
