There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
