Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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