Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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