Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
