coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
