I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
