did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
