I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
