R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
pop tarts are not kleenex
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Randomize
