That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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