Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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