Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
