the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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