Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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