is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
