I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
