So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
