his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
my poor anus
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
