all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
