R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
