Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
