I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
