Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's like God shit irony all over that family
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
