last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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