He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
