This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just cropdusted the office
if only i could text you this smell
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
