Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I could fuck to npr.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
