if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
