Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
