Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
