if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
