i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
