I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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