Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
