i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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