Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
