What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
