What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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