I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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