Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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