I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
