halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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