his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
