lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
