At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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