Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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