party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
