you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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