Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
