Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
