We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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