Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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