she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
