So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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