Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
