I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
