I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
