My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
