So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
