At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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