Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
