No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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