"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
