I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
