Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
