Need sex. Gaining weight.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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