I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
