So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
