ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
