This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
