If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
