Have you finally orgasmed yet?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
