When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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