well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
