i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
4 words: hood of his car
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
