she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
