South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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